BITESIZED: An introduction to our wonderful world

My name is Kii and I’m from Kaitaia. I spend a lot of time sleeping and even more on food. My favourite food is brunch, I like long walks on the beach and long phone calls to my mum. I’m joined in this column and our videos by Thomas and Lewis, my team.

The team behind our new TADS series – BITESIZED.

Lewis is our cameraman and videographer. Our social media presence and most of our visual existence falls at the hands of him. Lewis is from Auckland so is by default is genetically and socially inferior. We don’t mean any offence Lewis, it’s just how it has to be. Lewis like photography, memes and trap music, or at least that’s what he tries to tell people; he truly relies almost cripplingly on self-depreciating humour and alcohol. It’s okay Lewis, just keep filming.

Thomas is our script and column creator, writing and proofreading most of the words you will read in our column. Thomas is from Hamilton but has insisted almost suspiciously often that he does not have chlamydia, and brings up the latest sexually transmitted diseases statistics far too often in an effort to sully Gisborne’s reputation. Thomas also likes watching movies and listening to music, which is code for staying inside on Friday and Saturday nights.

We are here to hopefully tell you about the world. Not in a condescending “This is how you change a tyre”,
“Back in my day we used to actually talk to people”,
“Do you know how to use excel proficiently?” type of way, but more of a current events kind of way, like Seven Sharp but not headed by Mike Hosking and therefore inherently awful.

Unlike Sky television, we recognise the importance of a good online presence and intend to use the power of the internet to spread some knowledge; similar to the aforementioned chlamydia. The internet is a dark and unforgiving place that can be used for good or for evil, and we have decided to throw our collective voice into the void in an attempt to try get something to stick that might be more beneficial to society than our 3 bachelor’s degrees combined. While we do try and be positive regarding our future, it is hard. Considering the prospect of Kii’s political science degree leading to such lofty heights as to be Patrick Gower or Todd Barclay, and Lewis’ design degree heading down the path of a Big Lez show copycat but not funny or clever. Sorry again Lewis, it’s not you rather it’s your place of birth.

Last year two out of the three of us took part in the Who Cares series. The other was not invited to join but luckily does not hold grudges or see it impacting future working relationships. In “our” part in the Who Care’s series, Kii gave his view on everyday issues. This will be very similar with increased production value and newer and fresher takes on everyday issues.

This column will run fortnightly with the videos running in between. The topics of the videos and columns are undecided at this time as we wait to see what issues enter the mainstream, prompting Dave. Dave? The guy who went to your high-school that asked to have a turn with your shoes, giving you the impression he maybe didn’t just want one turn. He posts his potentially uninformed opinion on Facebook weekly. It’s the Dave’s of the world that make it go round, but it’s also what makes it necessary for us to possibly speak some truths and give some potentially new perspectives on issues.

From bullying, racism and inequality, to Damien Mackenzie’s critics being silenced, we hope to speak on issues that matter.

Developing a new narrative on the internet that excludes others from the internet is important and is what we aim to do. A narrative that speaks to what we mean. We don’t believe a lot of people have the confidence to say what they write on the internet. That’s right, Dave.
We don’t believe you’ll actually say “Maori are all dole-bludgers, get them drug-tested.” at your meeting on Monday morning.

I know you commented on the recent article about Ramadan, “islam is a religion of terror and people need to accept that”, but I know you’ll tone it down when speaking to Hamza about your insurance.
You were mad quiet on the bus after you commented “whiteboys should kill themselves”, so we’re gonna need you to have the same energy fam.

We’ll bring that energy every week at TADS, only saying what we have confidence to say in person, while competing with the politically aware university student that’s never been to America but continues to comment their thesis on Black Lives Matter and why racism isn’t a thing.

On behalf of the team,

It’s good to be here x
– Thomas Baird ft. Kii & Lew